Label2.Caption = "You might be an engineer if ..."
a = "...choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma."
b = "...you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room."
c = "...the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions."
d = "...you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday."
e = "...you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie."
f = "...you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting."
g = "...you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel."
h = "...you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances."
i = "...you have more friends on the Internet than in real life."
j = "...you know what http:// stands for."
k = "...you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together."
l = "...you see a good design and still have to change it."
m = "...you window shop at Radio Shack. "
n = "...your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work."
o = "...you've already calculated how much you make per second."
p = "...you've tried to repair a $5 radio."
q = "...your laptop computer costs more than your car."
r = "THE END"
If Label3.Caption = "" Then
Label3.Caption = a
ElseIf Label3.Caption = a Then
Label3.Caption = b
ElseIf Label3.Caption = b Then
Label3.Caption = c
ElseIf Label3.Caption = c Then
Label3.Caption = d
ElseIf Label3.Caption = d Then
Label3.Caption = e
ElseIf Label3.Caption = e Then
Label3.Caption = f
ElseIf Label3.Caption = f Then
Label3.Caption = g
ElseIf Label3.Caption = g Then
Label3.Caption = h
ElseIf Label3.Caption = h Then
Label3.Caption = i
ElseIf Label3.Caption = i Then
Label3.Caption = j
ElseIf Label3.Caption = j Then
Label3.Caption = k
ElseIf Label3.Caption = k Then
Label3.Caption = l
ElseIf Label3.Caption = l Then
Label3.Caption = m
ElseIf Label3.Caption = m Then
Label3.Caption = n
ElseIf Label3.Caption = n Then
Label3.Caption = o
ElseIf Label3.Caption = o Then
Label3.Caption = p
ElseIf Label3.Caption = p Then
Label3.Caption = q
ElseIf Label3.Caption = q Then
Label3.Caption = r
Label3.Caption = ""
End If
End Sub
Private Sub Command1_Click()
'TechNotes
Label2.Caption = "Technical Difficulties"
a = "When a tech says he's coming right over, go for coffee. It's nothing to us to remember 2700 screen saver passwords."
b = "When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours."
c = "When tech support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing out the public groups."
d = "When a tech is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out. We exist only to serve."
e = "When a tech is having a smoke outside, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who don't have e-mail or a telephone line."
f = "Send urgent e-mail ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery."
g = "When you call a tech's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an e-mail straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy"
h = "When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it."
i = "When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your line from here."
j = "When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle."
k = "When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk."
l = "When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done."
m = "When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes."
n = "When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work."
o = "Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps."
p = "If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all you co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime money."
q = "When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past two, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy."
r = "Don't ever thank us. We're getting paid for this."
s = "When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer."
t = "If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them."
u = "If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them."
v = "When you get the message saying ""Are you sure?"", click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?"
w = "Feel perfectly free to say things like ""I don't know nothing about that computer crap"". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap."
x = "When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with an Master's degree in nuclear physics."
y = "When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know jack shit about the problem."
z = "When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We got lots of disk space on that mail server."
AA = "Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into a queue."
ab = "When you bump into a tech in the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We don't do weekends."
ac = "If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access 95 database flip out."
ad = "When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find the jumper settings on the internet."
(.txt)